Its not normal

Well here goes........

I was on the bus the other week coming back from a job interview.... another one.... will go back to that later and unfortunately I had to go and sit on the upper level at the back. Casting my mind back to school this was the place where people used to smoke and generally get up to untold naughties.
I thought to myself no this wont be the case this time as this is real life and not a school bus, obviously the rules must be different. But no obviously some people never grow up never shed those habits of old.
I suddenly realised that the people around me could have represented cast members from the show Shameless. I went through all the people on the bus and could link them in with at least one of the cast. Surreal as this sounded I was facinated, waiting to see what one of them did next.
All was quiet then one of the lads sitting in front of me whom I am going to link to micky, pulled out a massive sandwich bag of skunk and proceeded to roll a joint on the bus. I could not believe my eyes, my previous 10 minute thought process just proved correct, I was in face travelling with the chatsworth regulars!!!!
I left the bus in the city centre hope to reaquaint myslef with some elment of normality when I was faced with possibly one of the most non normal things that I have ever seen, I cast my eyes over towards a coffee shop debating whether a shot of caffeine would indeed help to dial down the crazy or not when I saw a man, on first glance this was fine, he was mid thirties wearing a nice red polo t shirt and khaki shorts and nice shoes and white socks. He neither looks odd, scary or deformed in any way, just ya regular joe going about his business. However on second inspection it was not what this man was doing it was more what he was carrying. He was walking through the busiest street no where near any surgery or faciulity where the item he was carrying could be of any use. He was in fact carrying a full hip to toe artifical leg complete with sock and trainer!!!!!

I look for a minute not believing my eyes, instantly I cast my eyes down to his legs, and indeed he did have infact two normal fleshy legs. I was do dumfounded that I just stopped and stared. I mean this is something that you expect to see in a hospital, or any form of medical establishment or one of those disability shops, not stood outside the O2 shop!!

I decided that the only option available to me was to go home and scream into a pillow instantly. So after going to Marks and Spencer to get my lunch thats exacly what I did. I have often pondered what the man was doing with the leg!! Where was he taking it? Did the person who it belonged to know he had it? and if not what type of person would steal peg leg? You are slowly now seeing the reason why I have had to come back to writing this.

Last year I lived in the country the crazy was there but hidden by a tree or something now its everywhere all around me, now I am lost in the big city!

Back again so soon

Well here goes almost a year on from my last post I am back. Bet the world had just let out a massive sign of relief!! However no your not safe he is back with even more ammo now to rant on about to amuse you the masses.

Over the past year I have decided there are alot of thing in this world that are just not normal!!!
Odd things that I see almost out of the corner of my my eye that occur around me at any point within the day wherever I seem to be. I am going to update these very odd occurances in this blog to hopefully prove that either I am insane or there are odd things occuring almost like a spectre we can only sometimes see !!!

Well going back to some element of normal for a moment in the past year lots of things have occured generally in my life. I have changed careers, geographical localtion, changed again job titles and been out of the country!! And all of this I have managed to do in 8 months and not get a single grey hair....... Ok 2 but they were plucked from my scalp and sacrificially burned never to return.

I now live with Andrew my long suffereng boyfriend who now endures my daily databurts of all the weird and wonderful things that happen to me everyday. I think for his own mental health he should invest in earoplugs.
I now have the best commute to work in the world it take the grand old time of 15 mins to totter down the road and I am sat at my desk. I started one job and now got another 7 months later I am slowly taking over the world!!! Shhhhhh dont tell anyone.
On the whole things are going great at the minute.

NEW JOB

Hey there,

Well I got my start date for my job in Manchester! I Start in a month, which is fantastic! I am very excited. I have now been forced to get another Temp job. Which I am happy about cos I will be able to pay for things now but this job is in Manchester no bad thing its just in the wrong place in mancester just far enough in to get caught in a bottle kneck of traffic within a two hour window of the rush hour. Having it taken me an hour to make a 25 mile journey, which by my rough calculation is an average of 25mph which is not acceptable I decide that although the temp job is easy and mindless and the people seem nice enough the next 3 and a half weeks cannot pass quickly enough.
Some people get NOS fitted to their car I am considering getting laughing gas fitted to try and blot out the knightmare commute!!!

Enough of my ranting!!!

I arrived home and did some random cleaning and washing to calm down! I am about to hoover then my calm zen transformation is complete.

I am missing Andy this week more than usual and he has only just gone away and is only away two nights! I dont deal with new things well and like him being there to make the new things seem all good.

Good night all

Day Three In The Village

Well I am on Day 3 of my enforced week maybe weeks off till I start my new job in the Comms at Manchester!!! I never actually thought I would say this but I am missing being at work. Yesterday I cleaned my flat did all the shitty jobs I was putting off while I was working because in my mind I was far too busy!! I have all my washing done and throughout various locations in my home it looks like a laundry, I almost expect to see immigrant workers ironing in my bathroom there are that many clothes hanging around!
I went and picked up brake pads for my car something I have been meaning to do for weeks as the car is having increasing problems stopping, and finally at about 4pm yesterday I ran out of things to do!!!

I am now waiting in for a new mobile phone to be delivered as my nice pretty slim great phone has a terminal epidemic fault and my provider has said that its broken and they have to send me a different model phone! I am gutted but also slightly excited as it will kill an hour to reprogramme the new one get my theme and wall paper etc personalised in a very anally retentive way specifically for me!!

My mother stopped smoking on Monday, something which I did before Christmas, which although I know is good as smoking may be bad for you but I decided after taking my mother to the stop smoking clinic i realised that I actually enjoyed it. I am not going to start again as that would be just silly now but I realised that I no longer have a vice/addiction. I don't drink much I think that drugs are the worst thing on the planet I watch what I eat and now don't smoke.
Does anyone have a suggestion for a vice I can adopt, I think this maybe the solution to my time.

Also to add insult to injury whilst parking at the smoking clinic I reversed into another car. It was an old mini so compared to my golf I didn't have a chance to see the smallest most pointless car on the planet did I? He should pay me for damaging this pointless little piece of shit. I literally could not see it behind me via looking or in a mirror. I saw it the same as squashing a bug!! The guy jumped out of the car hissing swearing, full red faced the lot, I thought to myself I may have a fight on my hands here, my mum was hissing to me "let him hit you, then you can put a claim in" I do feel however it would be like falling and not putting your hands out to save yourself, allowing yourself to get hit!!
I jumped out the car and as soon as the guy realised that I was over a foot taller than him he kind of calmed down!!
My bumper was cracked and his grill was dented and his indicator cover was broken pretty minimal really. I was calm, he was screaming at me ish basically asking me why I was not mad! I simply said to him that I have more important things to worry about than a cracked piece of plastic and If I didn't I might as well kill myself as I am sad!!
Its not like the engine was damaged the car still moves. Of course I am slightly miffed but its a car, hardly a life or death situation!!
Here are the pictures of the damage I caused, I made sure I photographed the scene/evidence!!!

Going back to my boredom, I was informing Andrew whom is in Bristol with work, about my cabin fever, he suggest a arts and craft hobby like basket weaving!! I took this suggestion under my belt but have modified it slightly! I have decided to target my community where I live. not the best location with far too many Chavs for my liking! I now feel that to improve the 'Arts' and overall aesthetic appearance of my village It is my civic duty to eradicate the CHAV to this end I taking up the hobby of Shooting Chavs, I feel a much more worth while craft that making baskets!!

I have also pulled a muscle in my back, I dare say I wish to blame the gym! I really need a massage but refuse to pay!! I have therefore three options, try to massage my self, but I feel this may result in further injury, wait for Andrew to return on Thurs or contact my personal trainer friend and make him fix me, this would involve breaking my village prison and venturing into another town!!! Am I ready to do this after this enforced confinement!!

I have been looking at flats in Manchester also a very exciting option as I love moving, I hate packing but love moving as I get to organise a whole new home!! I don't know if Andrew is ready for this process!! I am sure he will get on board!!

Anyway I may update later in the programme!!

I wish myself happy Chav hunting!!!!!!!!

10.20 On the last day

Well its finally my last day working within the midst of the NHS. I cannot say this has been a bad job because the people are nice and it has allowed me to buy stuff and pay rent. I am looking forward to the next chapter in this never ending book that is my life!

I may have a few weeks off now before I commence my job in manchester so I intend to fully pass the time by going to the gym as a full time job and watching TV, a worthwhile cause I feel. I mean I can watch all the shit day time shows then go to the gym watch more afternoon shows they go the gym again. I fully intend to be slim toned and a bronzed adonis by the time I take on my new role......Earlier description open to change if for example I fail on this health mission!!

I am attending my leaving do tonight...suppose I have to go. I have sceduled a meal how civilized in a local new eating place. I am hoping they have a good wine list as I intend to drink it all!!

Going looking at a flat in Manchester in the morning which I will have to do completely hung over!!!

Its mine and Andrews 6 month Anniversary tomorrow so we are going out for a meal tomorrow evening, which should be good because it covers two of my favourite things.... Pubs and Food! (Oh sorry and Andrew of course)

Later in the programme people

The Final Week

Hello All,

Well I am on my last three days at my current job and still no start date for my new one. I could so easily freak out right now but my life is like a soap opera so there is too much going on for me to worry about one thing too much!

I attended an interview in London last week well a job related assessment. I had to process a mock crime scene and interview a witness, it was for a CSI job my dream the only issue is its in London and the salary is not too great! I really need to find a long lost member of the family whom lives in London with a spare room or somebody whom wishes to share with me and accept minimal monies as payment for rent!! Anyone rich out there?
Plus this option messes with mine and Andrews plans to rent somewhere in Manchester on commencement of my new job there, which I am still going to do regardless as HR procedure for the police takes months, now you are understanding a little why everything is so complicated.
After the assessment I convinced myself I had not got an interview and decided this was the best thing all round and that moving to London was not a job for this year.
My mobile phone rings yesterday and I have got an interview next Thurs, so I started panicing once again. I have decided that what ever happens I shall attend this interview and do my best as deep down I really want this job but even if I don't take it I will be content knowing I am good enough for the Mecca of the MET police and once I have done it once I can do it again when I am ready!

So to add another complication I have got an interview for Scouseland police working with venerable witnesses on the 28Th April then the postman whom I am quickly thinking is the propagator of my complications brings another interview for The North West working as a Fingerprint examiner once again on the 28th. So I now have yet another option and working scenario to obsess about I now have to cancel one interview. I will more than likely sack the Liverpool one off to be honest.

On a good note we think we have targeted an apartment block to live in. Its on Salford Quays and is very modern and clean and fresh a dream for me whom loves things very clean!!

Does anyone have advice about this episode of my life?

Wednesday

Well yesterday I found out that I am finishing at the NHS next Friday they have found some poor unfortunate soul to do my job!! May got have mercy on their souls!
I then will more than likely have two weeks off then start my new job!

I then had a very odd evening I developed a headache, which I swear was my brain trying to escape my head. After several mixtures of several types of pain killers I had sufficiently killed most of my brain off therefore I came to the conclusion problem solved!

I spoke to Andrew at bed time he is away with work, he really does work hard, well in theory anyway he he.... only joking!

So on Wednesday at work I decided that most of my energies should be put to good use and decided the location for my farewell meal and many drinks with work. I reviewed pubs and restaurants close enough to my house so I can make a sharp exit if the evening is going the way of the dinosaur but far enough so it actually feels like a night out he he.
I opted for a new pub on a swanky new housing development. I am hoping for lots of false promises about good food and service, so I can shout and the dilatory waitress and get the meal for free!! Not that I am cheap!!!

I then composed the email invite which I forwarded around the office. I shall now spend my morning tomorrow following up the replies.... No wonder the NHS nearly grinds to a halt with employees like me!

I then returned home, and telephoned Orange, whom provide me with my mobile phone. It has been playing up and they keep saying to me that its my phone and they want £70 to send me a new phone. Of course this has not been good enough as I already pay them enough. After several phone calls they finally admitted that their product may be programmed wrong, so they have couriered me a new phone and will be here tomorrow evening between 6-10.

I am now watching Family Guy Season 2, which I am really rather enjoying! I like this kind of mindless comedy, although I still cannot figure out how much they understand of what Stewy says???

Can anyone help?